Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Are we still banned from the library?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
