you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
