I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
