so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
