We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
