you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
