The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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