so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
