New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize