Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You smell like stripper and shame
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
