I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
