mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
