The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
