I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize