Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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