two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wear drunk well.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize