Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
