Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
