She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
