I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
