so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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