She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
