He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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