My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
