sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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