Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sext me about skeletons
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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