My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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