I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize