I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
