ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
