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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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