Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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