Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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