Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
