Bisexual people are plain selfish.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
