Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
