is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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