so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
