don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Houston, we have a squirter
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
