when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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