the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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