There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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