loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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