Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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