Are we in a gay sports bar?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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