How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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