1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
