what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I pour the whiskey from now on
You ate ashes out of my bong
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
