i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
