and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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