i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
