Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
