You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
