i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
