im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
