Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize