Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
