why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
