I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
