no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
