Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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