Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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