it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize