I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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