I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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