True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
