I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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