That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
