Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize