My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
His hands were made for my vagina.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
