It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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