Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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