I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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