need another drink. this is the easiest way
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize