i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
