someone owes me an orgasm
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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