My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
