I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize