i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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