I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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