just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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