He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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