You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
